5 Ways to Save Money During Divorce; Part 4: Why Its Key to Tame Your Emotions During Divorce

When it comes to divorce, emotions understandably run very high.


Although divorcing spouses may desire to hurt or punish each other, that natural instinct seems to inevitably lead to a long, drawn-out and costly divorce.

Yet, how can upset spouses effectively control their strong emotions during what is often one of the most challenging times in their lives?

PLUS, how do spouses know and understand what a “fair” outcome actually is in their case?

golden scales

Ask yourself: am I currently capable of making decisions during my divorce that are based on reason instead of emotion?  Do I know what’s a fair outcome for me, given the facts in my case?

This is where utilizing the knowledge and counsel of a lawyer comes into play.

The lawyer can get past and be unaffected by the emotional aspect of the case and deliver a sound legal opinion, focused on identifying and attaining the best outcomes for the client.

Now, to be clear, this “emotion stuff” doesn’t just apply to women.  Men, too, need find a way to be rational during a divorce.

For men, I most commonly find they, one, feel a sense of guilt about their role in the break up of the marriage or, two, don’t want the marriage to end and feel heartbroken.

In either case, these emotional men often give too much.  Later, once the dust has settled and the emotions have subsided, they feel a sense of unfairness and remorse.

The end result: they’re forced to return to court years later, asking the judge to change one or more terms of their divorce decree.

Yet, that endeavor, of returning to court for a modification of the decree, is no cake walk.  Unless the two sides agree to the changes, then it’s usually quite challenging and expensive to seek a modification.  Plus, in certain circumstances, a modification is not even possible under the law.

gavel with money

So for those feeling that sense of guilt or heartbreak, do you see the importance and value of getting legal advice and guidance regarding the fairness of a potential divorce settlement?

When we set the emotional stuff aside, divorce can be viewed as a series of really tough questions.

Divorcing spouses must figure out:

  • What martial assets and debts are subject to division and how to reach a fair division of the marital property.
  • If either spouse qualifies for spousal maintenance, and if so, the amount, duration and whether it is modifiable or not.
  • For spouses that have minor children in common, they’ll also need to address legal decision-making, a parenting plan and child support.

If you aren’t clear on much when it comes to your divorce, yet you definitely know you can’t be rational right now, what options do you have?

  • Hire a do-everything-for-you billable hour lawyer at somewhere around $300 per hour.
  • Consult with a lawyer during your divorce to make sure you’re on the right track.
  • Empower yourself with legal information about divorce.

Need to better understand the divorce process and effective, proven ways to save time, money and stress along the way?  Now, you can do just that by attending my next half day divorce workshop.

Look, knowledge is power, and, knowledge is a key tool in controlling one’s emotions.

*What would it feel like to walk into the courtroom with confidence?

*Could you better understand the divorce process if it was broken down into 6 steps?

*What would happen to your current level of stress and anxiety if you had a plan for how to get through each of the 6 steps?

Thinking about handling your divorce without a lawyer using the court’s fill in the blank forms?  Or have you already started using the court’s divorce forms, are finding them difficult to use and are running into problems?  Need help with your divorce papers?  If so, consider joining Julie’s HELP WITH DIVORCE PAPERS members’ area to gain instant access to written and video explanations of the entire divorce process along with easy-to-use, fill-in-the-blank court forms created to empower you with legal information to help you achieve a fair and efficient divorce case outcome without breaking the bank.  To learn more and to sign up, click here.

Wonder if it would be possible for you to get divorced in 90 days without stepping foot in a courtroom?  Click Here to sign up to take our free quiz to find out if you are a good fit for a 90 day divorce.


Julie A. LaBenz has been licensed to practice law in Arizona since 2006.  She is currently located in majestic Sedona, Arizona and focuses her law practice on divorce, estate planning and probate.  To discuss your case with Julie, call 928-284-0909.

Disclaimers: 1) This article contains legal information only and is not legal advice; 2) By reading this article, Arizona lawyer Julie LaBenz does not become your attorney; 3) Julie LaBenz is licensed to practice law in the State of Arizona in the jurisdictions in which she’s admitted to practice.

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